Why Can't I Be a Squidget?

Seriously, why are there so few games that just let you be a nobody? You're always some huge war hero or something. Sometimes, I just want to be a redshirt, and there are very few games I can think of that let you do that (Battlefield, and uhh...). I just wish there were less Master Chiefs and Nathan Hales and more Medic #33s and Combine Soldier #336s.

1/30/09

i'm sailing away
set an open course for the virgin sea
cause i've got to be free
free to face the life that's ahead of me
i'm bored i'm a captain
so climb aboard
we'll search for tomorrow
and every shore

and i'll try
oh lord
i'll try
to caaaaaaaaaaaaaarry oooooooooooooooooooooooooon

i look to the seeeeeeeeeeeeeeea
reflections in the waves
spark my memory
soooooome happy some sad
i think of tathered friends
and the dreams we had
we lived happily forever
so the story gooooes
but somehow we missed out
on the pot of goooold
but we'll try best ad we can
to caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarry on

a gathering of angels
appeared above my head
they sang to me this song of hope
and this is what they said
they said "come sail away come sail away come sail away with me, lads
come sail away come sail away come sail away with me
come sail away come sail away come sail away with me, baby
come sail away come sail away come sail away with meeeeeeeeeeee"

(boop beep boo boop boo beep boo boop)

i thought that they were angels
but come to my surprise
i climbed aboard their starship and headed for the skieeeees

"come sail away come sail away come sail away with me, lads
come sail away come sail away come sail away with me
come sail away come sail away come sail away with me
come sail away come sail away come sail away with me
come sail away come sail away come sail away with me
come sail away come sail away come sail away with me
come sail away come sail away come sail away with me
come sail away come sail away come sail away with me" (fade out)

Strange Dream #10

Yet another strange dream last night. I was in a house that I've never seen before, but I think I was in Florida or something, because I was also in a bathing suit. Anyway, I don't remember much about the first part, but I do remember my big toe hurting, and I just ignored it. Later, I decided to look at it, and there was a green-ish spot to the right of my toenail. I tried to pop it like a zit or something, and the tiny black thing poked out. I looked away for a second, and when I looked back, the black thing was now about half an inch long. It scared the shit out of me, and I pulled the rest out, and, well, this is what it looked like:

It was completely black, and it was around 3 inches long, and the top two inches were some sort of tentacle (the lines on the plastic base are where it was rigid, like a bottlecap or the sides of a quarter). A moving, living tentacle. It was disgusting. I kept yelling "HOLY SHIT", and then I stood up and...poop...ran down my leg out of my bathing suit, and then I said "Yeah, there it is". I started running to the bathroom, but I chose to go to the carpeted bathroom for some reason, so I was tracking shit all the way through the house and over carpet. Such a weird dream.

Review: Mass Effect (PC)

Unlike just about anyone who ever owned an Xbox, I never played Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic much. I had also never played any game from developer BioWare, and I've never much been into RPGs. The last RPG that I can remember really, really being into was Fable. Well, that was until I played Mass Effect.

It is the year 2148. You are Commander Shepard of the Normandy, one of the largest, fastest, and most powerful ships in the Alliance fleet. You are sent to Eden Prime to investigate a mysterious Beacon, and the story takes off from there, I just don't want to spoil it. It really is a fantastic story. One of the coolest parts is that you can set your character's backstory in the extensive character creator. You can choose from things like being a War Hero, to a Sole Survivor of an epic battle. It doesn't really change anything except for maybe a few conversations scattered throughout the game, but it adds an extra layer to your character, which is nice.

Along with choosing your backstory in the character creator, you can also, duh, create a character. It can be either a male or female, and you can choose from several different classes, although you can't choose to play as another race, you have to be human. Honestly, though, with all of the other choices, it doesn't really make that much of a difference.

Through your travels, you will happen upon some NPCs, who, for different reasons, will join your crew. These are characters who you can take out with you, up to two at a time, on missions to help you, so you will be spending a lot of time with them. I became very, very attached to these characters, and it hurt when I had to decide the fate of some or more of them. There are very few games that actually make me have feelings for and sympathize with characters, but Mass Effect did it perfectly.

Like I said, I owned KotOR, but never really played it much. I just couldn't get into it very much, and the combat was one of the biggest reasons as to why. I never liked how it wasn't real-time, and your just sat and watched most of the time. Luckily for me, Mass Effect is nothing like that. The combat in ME is all played out in real-time, and it's not just your stats that decide if you will come out victorious. Since it's a shooter, it actually requires some bit of skill on the player's part, which I really liked. Don't get me wrong, you don't have to be the best Call of Duty 4 player to be able to play ME, but it's not passive like KotOR was.

Along with your regular guns, you also have Biotic powers to manipulate your enemies, such as Throw, Lift, and Warp. While fighting, you can hold the spacebar to bring up a menu of sorts to pause the game, and from here, you can pick your target, choose a Biotic power, and when you release the spacebar, your character and/or squad will carry out the action. You can also control your squadmates to an extent, not unlike Rainbow Six, but I can't remember one time where I really used this funtion.

I've talked so much about the shooter aspects, but I can't forget the RPG/exploration side. Just like any other RPG, you kill enemies, gain EXP, level up, invest Skill Points in your class-based skills, basically just typical RPG stuff. The exploration, though, is something else entirely. Using the Normandy, you can explore the galaxy, moving from solar system to solar system, finding resources, doing sidequests, and, well, exploring. Some planets will even let your land with the Mako, your land rover, so you can explore the galaxy, as well as some of the planets. One of my favorite sidequests is one that takes place on Luna, Earth's moon, just because it's so awesome.

The sound in Mass Effect is fantastic. There are so many talking characters, several different alien races, and I can't remember any of them sounding alike. There are so many recorded lines in this game, it's unbelievable, and on top of that, many of them were rerecorded for if you chose to play as a female. All of the lines feel very real and natural, which is very good for a story-driven game like this. The electronic music sounds just like something out of an old 70's/80's Sci-Fi movie, and always seems to set the appropriate mood.

Even while I think this game is fantastic, there are a few problems, even though they're fairly minor. First, is that while the graphics look great 99% of the time, in the close-up shots, some of the textures look very blurry. Second, there's no Anti-Aliasing. This just doesn't seem right for a PC game nowadays. Third, and this is a very rare glitch that I only experienced 3 times in my 30+ hours of play, is that sometimes when I hit the Quicksave button, it would crash the game. Again, it only happened 3 times, but it was frustrating nonetheless. Lastly, some of the sidequests feel a little repetitive. Most of them are of the "go down to a planet, find the base, kill everyone in said base, exit" variety. All of those can be overlooked very easily, even if they are semi-annoying.

Actually, I do have one more problem (and this is probably the biggest problem). The game just feels too short. Sure, it took me 25+ hours on my first playthough, but it was so awesome that it felt like 3. Thankfully, the game offers extreme replayability, because you can go back through with another class, make different choices, try to go to every planet, etc. The added achievements are nice, too.

Mass Effect is an amazing game, and one that every RPG fan/Sci-Fi Lover/Self-respecting individual should play. The story is brilliantly written, all of the voice acting is prefectly executed (although hearing Seth Green was a little weird, but only because I wasn't expecting it.), and both the RPG and shooter elements work fantastically. 5 out of 5.

1/25/09

HO
LY
SHIT
I just beat Mass Effect. This is now one of my favorite games of all time. It's just so awesome. I think I'm going to write a review tomorrow.

WTF, Mario?

We were going to my dad's house the other day to get some of my mom's old furniture, and Mason decided to come down and stay with us for a little while. That night, Mason wanted to play the NES, so after I got it hooked up, he popped in Super Mario Bros. Apparently, it was messed up. I've never seen it do this. Even after I blew my entire right lung into the cartridge, it was still being weird.

1/24/09

a shickety bee a bob a doo be bob a dob a dee dow yeeeeeeeaaaaaah

1/23/09

I bought Mass Effect today. I wonder how it'll be.

Amazon.com: Fuck the environment!

I ordered some stuff from Amazon the other day for an upcoming art project I'm thinking of doing. Well, one of my orders came in yesterday (the black spots are where my address was).I opened it up:


Hmm...something seems wrong here, doesn't it? Let's keep going.Yes. That's all that was in there. Two packages of double-stick tape. Well, that, and the giant bubblewrap and a sheet of paper with my order on it. Seriously, Amazon?

Note: Sorry about the low-res images. I took the photos with my iPhone.

Review: LittleBIGPlanet (PS3)

LittleBIGPlanet may be the first official entry from Media Molecule, creators of Rag Doll Kung Fu, into the videogame world, but don't let Rag Doll Kung Fu's "meh-ness" fool you. LittleBIGPlanet is worth your time and money in every way possible. Also: Sackboy is freaking awesome.

The PS3 may not have a ton of standout games, but LittleBIGPlanet is one of the few games that is universally loved. This adorable platformer is probably the most charming game I've ever played. Beyond that, it's boasts the most robust and easy-to-use level designer I've ever seen.

With 8 different worlds with several levels in each world, the story mode is also very diverse, but the cool part is that every level in the story mode was made with the aforementioned level editor, so anything you see in the story mode can be created in the level editor.

Like I said, the level editor is extremely easy to use. It has a ton of tools to use, and a tutorial video for every tool. There are tutorials on how to create most basic things, like enemies, vehicles, and basic levels, and after that, you pretty much know enough that you can create anything you want. You can use any of the 8 environments unlocked in the story as a backdrop for your level, and there are stickers, items, clothes, materials, and more to unlock in the story levels. You can change the lighting, camera angles, text, music, and just about everything else in your level to set the perfect mood for whatever the situation.

Even though the story mode only clocks in at round 10 hours, there's also the user-created levels. I'm not sure if I have ever seen a community as creative as the one for LBP. I've seen levels for Metal Gear Solid, Pac Man, Super Mario Bros., Grand Theft Auto, Donkey Kong, and just about any other classic franchise, all created by the LBP community with the level editor. It's not just levels based on things, either. I've seen a working basketball court, a construction zone where you can control several vehicles (bulldozer, wrecking ball, etc.), a level based on the TV show Ninja Warrior, and several other fantastically creative scenarios.

The game is also freaking GORGEOUS. The graphics would make even Pixar jealous, and the art direction is absolutely superb, adding the perfect feel to the game. The soundtrack is good, although sometimes it seems like you keep hearing the same songs over and over.

LittleBIGPlanet is a fantastic game, and one that deserves to be in any PS3 owner's library, because even though the story is pretty short, with the level editor and other user-created levels, you could theoretically play forever and never play the same level twice. 5 out of 5.

1/20/09

Bush = out
Obama = in
here's a picture of a cat in a shirt pocket.

1.06565 PPH

I noticed a little over a week ago that I was peeing an awful lot. I've been taking data for a week. I've been keeping track of how long I've been awake, and how many times a day I pee. Without further ado, the results:

Day 1 / Monday:
Awake: 7:30 AM - 1 AM
PPD (Pees Per Day): 23 (!)

Day 2 / Tuesday:
Awake: 11 AM - 2 AM
PPD: 15

Day 3 / Wednesday:
Awake: 11 AM - 2 AM
PPD: 12

Day 4 / Thursday:
Awake: 12 PM - 1 AM
PPD: 12

Day 5 / Friday:
Awake: 12:30 PM - 1 AM
PPD: 13

Day 6 / Saturday:
Awake: 12:30 PM - 3 AM
PPD: 8

Day 7 / Sunday:
Awake: 1 PM - 3 AM
PPD: 18

So, added up, that's 99 times peeing in 7 days, and 105.5 hours awake. If you divide 99 by 7, you get 14.14285. If you divide 105.5 by 7, you get 15.07142. If you divide 15.07142 by 14.14285, you get 1.06565. That means I pee, on average, 1.06565 times per hour. Doesn't that seem like a lot to anyone but me?

1/18/09

I'm unveiling something big tomorrow.

1/17/09

let's just call this a "post-letting-go-how's-it-going" kinda call

I Am Prepared

I got a book Tuesday on the way back from the dentist - The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks. So far it's very informative. It has made me realize that I need to work on my hand-to-hand combat and get a crowbar or a military-style machete (although I prefer a crowbar, because I could just impale, as opposed to decapitation. Plus, Gordon Freeman has a crowbar, so that automatically makes it cooler.).

1/15/09

a wop bop a loo bop a wop bam boo

1/14/09

a do doo do doo doo a doodie doo doooooo

1/13/09

I've watched it over and over for two months, and the Left 4 Dead intro movie is still fucking awesome.

1/12/09

----------------
Now playing: What Made Milwaukee Famous - Selling Yourself Short
via FoxyTunes

DfNP

I have declared today a Day for No Pants. You don't have to join me, but you're always welcome.

1/10/09

I've been playing more Resistance lately. It's so good. It's paced perfectly, it's got kickass weapons, and plenty of OMGWTF moments. I'm about a third through the game, and I really want to finish it.

HOOHA!

I was so tired last night, I didn't even bother to take my sweatshirt off. I actually slept better in it than I thought I would.

1/08/09

I'm so tired. I've been moving the last of our stuff from our old house all day today. I need a shower and I need to change clothes, but I don't give a shit right now. I'm going to bed.

...TMI?

Holy crap... my mom is at work, and Mallory is asleep. I'm in the bathroom with my Macbook taking a shit... WITH THE DOOR OPEN! I CAN EVEN HEAR THE TV!

1/06/09

I just finished watching all three Austin Powers movies for the first time. While they were all laugh-out-loud hilarious, I think I liked the first one the best. I think the only thing that could have made it much better was if Mini-Me and Fat Bastard were in it. I mean, I really liked the second and third films, but the first one was just too good. Plus, Beyonce? Seriously? Sure, Heather Graham (not anywhere near as good as Elizabeth Hurley, though) was okay, but Beyonce? She has to be one of the most bland actresses I've ever seen. Like I said, even though the third one was good, it just wasn't very good compared to the other two, and Beyonce is probably the biggest reason for why is wasn't as good.

Strange Dream #9 - Left 4 Dancing

I had yet another strange dream last night. I was in Left 4 Dead, running around killing zombies, going from one town to another. My dream was a little different from the game, though. For one, there was stuff in my dream, like the Survivors sleeping in the safehouses (you don't think they ran through the entire four Movies in one night, do you?). I remember one part where I was about to go to sleep, and I put a bunch of forks in my hair, I guess for a comb or something, and I fell asleep. The next morning when I woke up (this is all still in the dream, mind you), and the dad from The Brady Bunch was in a dark kitchen making either waffles or pancakes, I don't remember, and it doesn't matter. Anyway, I was just starting to wake up when I heard him getting mad and yelling "WHERE ARE ALL THE SPOONS?!", and I got scared and took all the forks out of my hair before he found out, because he really sounded pissed.

Then, later in the dream, I was in a Wal-Mart parking lot, and the entire parking lot except for the sidewalks was like a big trampoline, and apparently, I was acting like a Zombie Spy (as in, human posing as a zombie). I don't remember much, but apparently, we were doing some sort of dance and we were in an arrow-like formation, like geese. As if that wasn't weird enough, there were two Tanks, and they were in wheelchairs. The actually kinda looked like Joe from Family Guy, how he's all big and muscly, but in a wheelchair. I don't remember much about the dance, but I do remember taking out my pistols and shooting the hunters when no one was looking. After a while, I was apparently found out to be a spy, so I started jumping across the parking lot, doing flips in the air. That's about the last thing I remember.

I'm not making this shit up. I really wish I could make this shit up, but I can't. At least not consciously.

Tweet.

I just joined Twitter. I might end up using it more than I do this blog. I mean, I'll still try to post here at least once a day, but it looks like I might end up posting several times a day on Twitter.

Note: I need to stop double-spacing between sentences. It takes up too many of my valuable characters.

1/03/09

AHUGHGH. My mom got a new router today... she's been messing with it all day, and it doesn't work. I haven't been able to be online at all. Sure, that's not saying much, because I just woke up an hour ago, but I still had to go through the trouble of helping her plug the old router back up.

HONK

BEEP
BAM
BANG
TOOT
ONOMATOPOEIA

Left 4 Dead Console Codes

I decided to put some of my favorite console codes for L4D into a post, both for my own future reference, and for anyone else who happens upon this post.

Type "sv_cheats 1" in the console to turn cheats on (NOTE: Turning cheats on will disable achievements).

Fly mode/Noclip
noclip

Third Person View
thirdperson

Over-the-Shoulder View
thirdpersonshoulder

Change Level
changelevel

Spawn Zombie
z_spawn

Play as zombies in Singleplayer
sv_cheats 1;
director_force_versus_start;
director_no_human_zombies 0;
sb_all_bot_team 1;
Press the "M" key to switch teams.

Check Achievement Progress
achievement_status

And finally, how to play the game in Splitscreen on the same PC.