In my last post, I said that I usually have nothing to write about. This is one of those times.
http://jinxiboo.squarespace.com/blog/2009/3/31/what-not-to-paint-on-your-car-when-traveling-in-the-deep-sou.html
Monday, April 13, 2009
Sunday, April 12, 2009
4/12/09
BLAH. I've really kinda been getting bored with blogging lately. When I first started trying to blog every day, I thought I could write a big, long, (seemingly) well-thought-out post, but that obviously didn't work. I usually don't even feel like posting, so I put it off, and then forget until a few days later, and then write a post for every day I missed, along with the current day. I don't feel like blogging, but I feel like I need to. I don't know why, it's not like I'm doing this for any reason other than I was bored last August or whenever I started doing this. I don't even remember what possessed me to even try this. Whatever, it's done now, and I've been doing this for, like, nearly 8 months. It seems like foreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeever. Also, I tend to have really awkward endings to my posts, like
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Oh yeah? Well fuck you, Netflix (or possibly USPS)
As I stated yesterday, I received an assload of Buffy-related stuff, and among those was my replacement disc for Angel s2 disc 3 from Netflix. I got my first copy of the disc the other day, and as you can see, it had a huge crack in it. Well, I spent all day yesterday catching up on Buffy s5 (since I was already 8 episodes into Angel s2), and today I opened up my Netflix package, and guess what? My replacement disc was cracked. It even looked identical to the other cracked disc, which led me to believe that I had just forgotten to send my other disc back, but I talked to my mom, and she said that she put it in the mailbox for me. The only thing I could think of was that Netflix turned around and sent me the same exact disc that I had reported as unplayable. I then remembered that I had taken a picture of the first disc, so I ran to get my phone, and upon closer inspection, it wasn't the same disc, but the cracks are nearly identical, which makes me think that it's Netflix's doing, as opposed to USPS. I then packaged and put the disc in the mail, but before that, I took a picture of it. I decided to put both pictures up, just for comparison.
Second Disc
That means that of the last 6 discs we've gotten from Netflix, 4 of them were broken, because my mom also got two broken discs in the past week. She said that if this keeps happening, we'll have to cancel our Netflix subscription, so Netflix, I love you, but fuck you.
Then again, this might just be the USPS' fault, but since the cracks look so much the same (but aren't), it makes me think that the discs were both cracked at the same time, or at least in the same way, and USPS had the discs at different times, unlike Netflix.
First Disc
Second Disc
That means that of the last 6 discs we've gotten from Netflix, 4 of them were broken, because my mom also got two broken discs in the past week. She said that if this keeps happening, we'll have to cancel our Netflix subscription, so Netflix, I love you, but fuck you.
Then again, this might just be the USPS' fault, but since the cracks look so much the same (but aren't), it makes me think that the discs were both cracked at the same time, or at least in the same way, and USPS had the discs at different times, unlike Netflix.
Friday, April 10, 2009
04/10/09
Oh fuck yes. I hit the Buffy jackpot today. I got my Buffy box set today, as well as the Buffy movie (both arrived 3 days early!), and I got another copy of Angel s2 disc 3. I might not post any more for the next while -- I've got 3 seasons of Buffy to watch.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
For lack of a better title, it will be called 4/08/09, baaaaaby
Netflix sent me my next Angel disc today. yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay
YOU DOWN WIT' O.P.P.?
FO SHIZZLE MY NIZZLE
(I did that because I was told to)
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
What the fuck?
Felicia Day posted this video to her Twitter earlier tonight. What the fuck?
ACD, this is one of the videos I wanted you to see.
ACD, this is one of the videos I wanted you to see.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Oh god: Fanfics
I generally dislike fanfics. I just think that it's a little tacky to take someone else's property and "reinvent" it. Maybe it's just because I can't always remember what's canon and what I've read that isn't canon. I don't know. I just know that fanfics usually suck.
For some reason, ACD went on fanfiction.net and found out that they have added full support for crossover stories. Ugh. A fanfic centered around one franchise and/or set of characters is one thing, but to COMBINE more than one franchise? Ah HELL NAH. Anyway, we started looking at what some people had done (Firefly/Jurassic Park? Seriously?), and we started joking around about it, and I finally dared him to write something. I told him I wanted it to be a Death Note/Team Fortress 2 crossover story. I told him it doesn't have to make much sense, but I want him to post it somewhere when he gets done with it, whether that's on him blog or whatever. He had to leave soon after that, but before he left, I told him to give me two things to do a crossover with, and he told me to do a Hey Arnold!/Oblivion crossover. So, I guess I should write soon. This is going to be terrible.
For some reason, ACD went on fanfiction.net and found out that they have added full support for crossover stories. Ugh. A fanfic centered around one franchise and/or set of characters is one thing, but to COMBINE more than one franchise? Ah HELL NAH. Anyway, we started looking at what some people had done (Firefly/Jurassic Park? Seriously?), and we started joking around about it, and I finally dared him to write something. I told him I wanted it to be a Death Note/Team Fortress 2 crossover story. I told him it doesn't have to make much sense, but I want him to post it somewhere when he gets done with it, whether that's on him blog or whatever. He had to leave soon after that, but before he left, I told him to give me two things to do a crossover with, and he told me to do a Hey Arnold!/Oblivion crossover. So, I guess I should write soon. This is going to be terrible.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Saturday, April 4, 2009
4/04/09
I played Mount & Blade for several hours again today, all while listening to Day & Age more. I've listened to it probably 7 more times today, and I still really like it.
I got the first two discs of Angel S2 today, and before I watched that, I watched the S1 finale. I watched all of the episodes on the first disc, and one on the second, and I really, really like it. I don't know if it's because it still feels "new", but I think I might like Angel better than Buffy (the shows, not the characters (well, maybe the characters, too)), but I don't know. I think after the "new" wears off, I'll love them equally, right up there with Firefly. I wish the mail ran on Sunday, though, because I really want my Buffy DVDs to get here. The estimated delivery date is the 8th, which is this Wednesday. I just hope Amazon keeps up what they've done before and deliver a day or two early. XD
I got the first two discs of Angel S2 today, and before I watched that, I watched the S1 finale. I watched all of the episodes on the first disc, and one on the second, and I really, really like it. I don't know if it's because it still feels "new", but I think I might like Angel better than Buffy (the shows, not the characters (well, maybe the characters, too)), but I don't know. I think after the "new" wears off, I'll love them equally, right up there with Firefly. I wish the mail ran on Sunday, though, because I really want my Buffy DVDs to get here. The estimated delivery date is the 8th, which is this Wednesday. I just hope Amazon keeps up what they've done before and deliver a day or two early. XD
Friday, April 3, 2009
4/03/09
I've been playing Mount & Blade all day (according to Steam, 7.3 hours today), and the whole time, I've been listening to Day & Age. Since I played so long, I listened to it probably 6 times over. I really, really like it, and I think I'd be ready to call it my favorite non-PUSA album ever. The only song I don't really like is Goodnight, Travel Well. I really, really like the songs Losing Touch, Human, Spaceman, Joy Ride, and just about every other song, aside from G,TW.
I would buy the album now, but I just ordered the Buffy Chosen Collection (all 7 seasons) and the Buffy movie from Amazon earlier, and I am completely and totally out of money. I was hoping to get the Angel box set too, but I had to scrounge just to get enough money for what I did get. Oh well, I'm sure it will be more than worth it.
I would buy the album now, but I just ordered the Buffy Chosen Collection (all 7 seasons) and the Buffy movie from Amazon earlier, and I am completely and totally out of money. I was hoping to get the Angel box set too, but I had to scrounge just to get enough money for what I did get. Oh well, I'm sure it will be more than worth it.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Omegle Chatlog
Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: eeey
You: hey Fonzie
Stranger: how did you know
You: you're so obvious
You: with that 50's hair
Stranger: i know
Stranger: damn me
You: it's the 80s for crying out loud
Stranger: no way
You: get with the program man
You: radical
Stranger: i wish there was something I could store meat in
You: Freezer?
You: salt?
Stranger: what's that
You: salt?
Stranger: salt?
You: salt?
Stranger: like salt n peppa
Stranger: the trio
You: salt?
You: WAIT
You: Like Fergie?
Stranger: she wasn't in salt n peppa
You: it's all the same thing, man
Stranger: i don't give a hoot one way or another
You: alt?
You: ctrl?
Stranger: i have that button
Stranger: that one too
Stranger: i got an american idol button installed too
Stranger: so i can get my fix whenevz
Stranger: i'm like, shawdy, i wanna watch AI f'shnaize
Stranger: bloop
Stranger: there it is
You: word to the hizzle
Stranger: or bloop, there it goes
Stranger: just like that
You: you weren't there, man
You: YOU WEREN'T THERE
You: it was HELL MAN
Stranger: YES...I was
You: you served in Nam?
Stranger: you can't tell me where I was or wasn't
Stranger: i thought you were talking about mcdonalds last night
You: oh yeah
You: that was a blast
Stranger: for sure
Stranger: the blastest
You: fo shizzle
You: I mean
You: you remember when we ordered those big macs WITHOUT CHEESE?
Stranger: i put so many fries in my undies it was re-DUNK
You: like, ROFL!
Stranger: seriously rolling on floors was happening
You: I know
You: and then they mopped
You: and we were like WOAH
Stranger: i remember when I first say that, ROFL, I was like, dude, what the fuck is wrong with you
Stranger: saw*
You: I know
You: I feel yuou man
Stranger: hopefully not too hard
You: no, no homo
Stranger: or soft...whichever is more awkward
You: hey
You: you know that movie where the guy is like
Stranger: whatsaaw
You: THIS IS SPARTA
Stranger: ummmm
Stranger: tree fitty
You: yeah
You: that one
You: that was awesome
Stranger: yeah
You: and the one with all the gophers on the golf course
Stranger: that movie wasn't a documentary
You: I was like ROFLOL
You: wait
You: what?
Stranger: lol nothin
You: $3.50 was a documentary
You: don't toy with me
You: I was in 'NAM
Stranger: fuck if i know it might be
You: you don't KNOW man
Stranger: my grandpa heard about wwII
You: wow
You: that must have been rough
Stranger: i was like no fucking way grandpa
Stranger: and he was like, yes way you fucking idiot retard
Stranger: and then his lung collapsed
You: wow
You: so
You: you killed him?
You: you kill old people?
You: wwow
Stranger: pretty much
You: just wow
Stranger: i didn't mean to!
You: you should take up a job as an "elderly assassin"
You: except
You: you're not old
You: you just kill old people
Stranger: fuck yeah that would be awesome to go around sniping and knifing old folks
Stranger: i would be awesome at that
You: not sniping
Stranger: who wouldn't be?
You: jsut talking until their lungs explode
Stranger: haha
Stranger: yeah
You: you know
Stranger: cursing up a storm
Stranger: that always gets em
You: make them think you're interested in their shitty lives and then BLAM
Stranger: FUCK YOU MOTHA FUCKAAAAAAAAAAAAA
You: yeah
You: that would do it
You: but only as a last resort
Stranger: yeah
You: you have to be inconspicuous
You: i mean
You: you don't even need a disguise for this job
You: so
You: yeah
You: you want a job?
Stranger: i want to wear one though
You: because my grandma kinda made me mad yesterday
You: and I have like $15 I could give you
Stranger: maybe you should think about this for a couple more days
You: yeah, totally
You: you could have a mustache and everything
Stranger: hold up 15 bucks?
You: yes
Stranger: when where what how when
You: I told you
You: ok
You: she lives in this "old folks home" in west vagina
Stranger: what's his most dispised curse word
You: her
Stranger: ok, her most dispised word
You: and she hates it when I play the song "fat bottom girls" by Queer
You: I mean Queen
Stranger: oooh snap
You: same thing, really
Stranger: yeah
Stranger: but fuck a brick if they can't rock my socks off
You: meh
You: I've heard better
You: wait
Stranger: me too me too
You: do you actually have sex with bricks if you lie about something?
Stranger: i tried once
You: at least it would stay hard
You: LOL
Stranger: haaaa
Stranger: hell yes
Stranger: at least ONE of us would stay hard
Stranger: i always get a limp dick and rub the skin off
Stranger: burn baby burn
You: disco inferno
You: eddie murphy, man
You: yeah
Stranger: eddie murphy hot sauce
Stranger: mild
You: question: eddie murphy or chris rock?
Stranger: hmmm
You: i mean
Stranger: eddie murphy for sure
You: the Rush Hour movies were kinda good
Stranger: what haha
You: but Shrek 3 was terrible
You: I mean
You: they had Justin Timberlake
You: ick
Stranger: which one was in rush hour?
You: Chris rock
Stranger: where
You: with jackie chan
Stranger: you are confusing black comedians
You: the black dude
You: maybe
Stranger: chris tucker
You: oh yeah
You: you're right
You: i meant tucker all along
You: I don't even know who Chris Rock is
You: I mena
Stranger: me either
You: they all look the same to me
Stranger: "chris rock?" "WTF ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT PERVERT?!"
You: yes
Stranger: i saw meet dave
Stranger: with ed murphson
Stranger: that was pretty terrible
You: so, you were like the only person in the theater?
Stranger: no i watched it on dvd with my nephew
You: ah
Stranger: so do you still want me to assassinate your granny?
You: uh
You: nah
Stranger: good
You: I'll just do it myself
You: but I need to go now
You: nice conspiring with you
Stranger: put it on youtube
You: maybe
You: yes
You: I will
You: just search for "HAHAHAHA LOL SHE DED MY GRANNY" in three days
Stranger: don't get caught like the guy torturing the cat though
You: it'll be the top of the list
Stranger: lol
Stranger: alright
You: I won't show my face like "timmy"
You: little shit
You: ok
You: well, I need to go now
You: later
Stranger: see you later
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: eeey
You: hey Fonzie
Stranger: how did you know
You: you're so obvious
You: with that 50's hair
Stranger: i know
Stranger: damn me
You: it's the 80s for crying out loud
Stranger: no way
You: get with the program man
You: radical
Stranger: i wish there was something I could store meat in
You: Freezer?
You: salt?
Stranger: what's that
You: salt?
Stranger: salt?
You: salt?
Stranger: like salt n peppa
Stranger: the trio
You: salt?
You: WAIT
You: Like Fergie?
Stranger: she wasn't in salt n peppa
You: it's all the same thing, man
Stranger: i don't give a hoot one way or another
You: alt?
You: ctrl?
Stranger: i have that button
Stranger: that one too
Stranger: i got an american idol button installed too
Stranger: so i can get my fix whenevz
Stranger: i'm like, shawdy, i wanna watch AI f'shnaize
Stranger: bloop
Stranger: there it is
You: word to the hizzle
Stranger: or bloop, there it goes
Stranger: just like that
You: you weren't there, man
You: YOU WEREN'T THERE
You: it was HELL MAN
Stranger: YES...I was
You: you served in Nam?
Stranger: you can't tell me where I was or wasn't
Stranger: i thought you were talking about mcdonalds last night
You: oh yeah
You: that was a blast
Stranger: for sure
Stranger: the blastest
You: fo shizzle
You: I mean
You: you remember when we ordered those big macs WITHOUT CHEESE?
Stranger: i put so many fries in my undies it was re-DUNK
You: like, ROFL!
Stranger: seriously rolling on floors was happening
You: I know
You: and then they mopped
You: and we were like WOAH
Stranger: i remember when I first say that, ROFL, I was like, dude, what the fuck is wrong with you
Stranger: saw*
You: I know
You: I feel yuou man
Stranger: hopefully not too hard
You: no, no homo
Stranger: or soft...whichever is more awkward
You: hey
You: you know that movie where the guy is like
Stranger: whatsaaw
You: THIS IS SPARTA
Stranger: ummmm
Stranger: tree fitty
You: yeah
You: that one
You: that was awesome
Stranger: yeah
You: and the one with all the gophers on the golf course
Stranger: that movie wasn't a documentary
You: I was like ROFLOL
You: wait
You: what?
Stranger: lol nothin
You: $3.50 was a documentary
You: don't toy with me
You: I was in 'NAM
Stranger: fuck if i know it might be
You: you don't KNOW man
Stranger: my grandpa heard about wwII
You: wow
You: that must have been rough
Stranger: i was like no fucking way grandpa
Stranger: and he was like, yes way you fucking idiot retard
Stranger: and then his lung collapsed
You: wow
You: so
You: you killed him?
You: you kill old people?
You: wwow
Stranger: pretty much
You: just wow
Stranger: i didn't mean to!
You: you should take up a job as an "elderly assassin"
You: except
You: you're not old
You: you just kill old people
Stranger: fuck yeah that would be awesome to go around sniping and knifing old folks
Stranger: i would be awesome at that
You: not sniping
Stranger: who wouldn't be?
You: jsut talking until their lungs explode
Stranger: haha
Stranger: yeah
You: you know
Stranger: cursing up a storm
Stranger: that always gets em
You: make them think you're interested in their shitty lives and then BLAM
Stranger: FUCK YOU MOTHA FUCKAAAAAAAAAAAAA
You: yeah
You: that would do it
You: but only as a last resort
Stranger: yeah
You: you have to be inconspicuous
You: i mean
You: you don't even need a disguise for this job
You: so
You: yeah
You: you want a job?
Stranger: i want to wear one though
You: because my grandma kinda made me mad yesterday
You: and I have like $15 I could give you
Stranger: maybe you should think about this for a couple more days
You: yeah, totally
You: you could have a mustache and everything
Stranger: hold up 15 bucks?
You: yes
Stranger: when where what how when
You: I told you
You: ok
You: she lives in this "old folks home" in west vagina
Stranger: what's his most dispised curse word
You: her
Stranger: ok, her most dispised word
You: and she hates it when I play the song "fat bottom girls" by Queer
You: I mean Queen
Stranger: oooh snap
You: same thing, really
Stranger: yeah
Stranger: but fuck a brick if they can't rock my socks off
You: meh
You: I've heard better
You: wait
Stranger: me too me too
You: do you actually have sex with bricks if you lie about something?
Stranger: i tried once
You: at least it would stay hard
You: LOL
Stranger: haaaa
Stranger: hell yes
Stranger: at least ONE of us would stay hard
Stranger: i always get a limp dick and rub the skin off
Stranger: burn baby burn
You: disco inferno
You: eddie murphy, man
You: yeah
Stranger: eddie murphy hot sauce
Stranger: mild
You: question: eddie murphy or chris rock?
Stranger: hmmm
You: i mean
Stranger: eddie murphy for sure
You: the Rush Hour movies were kinda good
Stranger: what haha
You: but Shrek 3 was terrible
You: I mean
You: they had Justin Timberlake
You: ick
Stranger: which one was in rush hour?
You: Chris rock
Stranger: where
You: with jackie chan
Stranger: you are confusing black comedians
You: the black dude
You: maybe
Stranger: chris tucker
You: oh yeah
You: you're right
You: i meant tucker all along
You: I don't even know who Chris Rock is
You: I mena
Stranger: me either
You: they all look the same to me
Stranger: "chris rock?" "WTF ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT PERVERT?!"
You: yes
Stranger: i saw meet dave
Stranger: with ed murphson
Stranger: that was pretty terrible
You: so, you were like the only person in the theater?
Stranger: no i watched it on dvd with my nephew
You: ah
Stranger: so do you still want me to assassinate your granny?
You: uh
You: nah
Stranger: good
You: I'll just do it myself
You: but I need to go now
You: nice conspiring with you
Stranger: put it on youtube
You: maybe
You: yes
You: I will
You: just search for "HAHAHAHA LOL SHE DED MY GRANNY" in three days
Stranger: don't get caught like the guy torturing the cat though
You: it'll be the top of the list
Stranger: lol
Stranger: alright
You: I won't show my face like "timmy"
You: little shit
You: ok
You: well, I need to go now
You: later
Stranger: see you later
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
THE STORY OF THE EARTH
The following takes place between the hours of 6:16 PM and 8:29 PM on 3/31/09.
------------
THE STORY OF THE EARTH
written by (in order of appearance) POLKA_DUCK - ACDUDE800 - NAMANERT - SKIPPY_ROCK
Polka_Duck (Polka)
April 1st is the very last day of March this year,
ACDude800 (ACD)
declared President Obama today, during a live conference from the Vatican, during which Pope Joe Biden also said,
namanert (nam)
"It's okay, we're amongst friends!", and then proceeded to break the world record for the most points in a single life on Galaga, while Mr. Sean Connery
ACD
announced that from this point on, every other day is Scottish Day, and that the other days will be dedicated to the respect of Pee-Wee Herman. Herman responded by
nam
showing his rare Silver Charizard to everyone in the audience. "So, Mr. Connery, how about a duel?" he asked. Connery said
ACD
that he couldn't, because his Level 99 Luvdisc had just learned Ultra Surf from watching episodes of Hawaii Five-O, and that it wouldn't be a fair fight. Herman challenged this, and the two eventually engaged in a real fight, which was broken up by Will Wright, who
nam
said "Look who I brought!" and then William Shatner beamed down. Unfortunately, he materialized in the middle of Connery, combining them into every one of the Power Rangers. Then
ACD
the combo was broken. Then the Beetleborgs appeared from a nearby crater, and the Power Rangers were too busy filing a plagiarism lawsuit to defend the planet against the onslaught of giant Japanese robots being piloted by Tim Allen, and
nam
then Richard Karn jumped out of a Bush and went "BOOGABOOGABOOGA" and scared Tim and the Power Rangers. Unfortunately, it was Geroge W. Bush who he jumped out of, so
ACD
Dick Cheney chased after him with a shotgun, vowing revenge. Cheney fired the shotgun, but missed. The bullet ricocheted into a microwave and became radioactive. It entered the body of Napoleon Bonaparte, who developed the power to
nam
see lightning from anywhere in the world. 20 years later, with his superpower, he became the CEO of one of the largest banking companies in the world. The next day, he turned 16, and got stuck by lightning. If only he had seen it coming. At his funeral, his mother, Anne Frank,
ACD
who actually had escaped from the Nazis and published an elaborate cover-up book to prevent that knowledge from falling into the wrong feet, used the power of the Power Rangers and their Zords to revive Napoleon, who, as a side effect of the resurrection, was now joined at the hip to his wife, Josephine. Josephine expressed her dismay at this by
Skippy_Rock (Skippy)
committing suicide. Unwilling to allow the violence to poison the minds of children, Jack Thompson arrived in a taxi and declared that
nam
the letter "e" be banned from every book in Jamaica. In the year 2178, two years after Napoleon's revival, he met Tom Arnold, who did nothing but complain about his fat ex-husband, Rosie O'Donnell. He actually kinda liked her (he still wrote her name all over his binders), he just didn't like having to shave her back every other day. This caused an uproar in the nearby Wal-Mart, because
ACD
Jack Thompson had declared it illegal to purchase new copies of Neverwinter Nights Diamond. BioWare, enraged at this, summoned their Canadian friend Nathan Fillion to throw copies of Mass Effect at Thompson. The Mass Effect boxes
nam
were actually filled with knives, due to a mix-up with Customer Support. Nathan Fillion then called the captain of the Royal Canadian Mounties (all Canadians know each other, so it's okay) to come and arrest Bonaparte, but they accidentally arrested his brother-in-law (by marriage), Napoleon Dynamite. Then, when they got to the police station,
ACD
Doc and Marty broke through the wall of the station in their DeLorean time machine. Doc yelled "Great Scot!" and Sean Connery bowed appreciatively. Then the time machine disappeared, causing the Mounties to reform with the help of Nathan Fillion. They proceeded to the Great Cave of Napoleon, where they discovered Mr. T, currently wanted for the shooting death of J.R. Ewing, and attacked him with
nam
a huge gun that shoots alligators strapped to chainsaws. Mr. T jumped out of the way and did a really cool flip in the air and hid behind a rock, then popped his head out to say "AND DON'T FORGET KIDS, DRINK YO MILK!" A stray chaingator bounced off the wall opposite T, then hit him in the throat as he yelled
ACD
"I PITY THE FOOL" at the top of his lungs. The chaingator was killed instantly by the vibrations of Mr. T's Adam's apple. Having accomplished their mission, Nathan Fillion and the Mounties returned to the local bar to drink beer and watch hockey. Then the real Fillion and the Mounties burst into the pub and yelled, "These stereotypes are imposters!" Then there was a huge
nam
hot-air balloon that carried the entire population of New Mexico across state lines to Alaska. Then, Joss Whedon popped out from the real New Mexico, and said "Fo pos! I wrote that!" and
ACD
the world imploded because that never happened on Buffy, Angel, Firefly, or Dollhouse. This event was dubbed the Second Impact. Six years later, in 2015, a secret organization called SEELE was utilizing another secret organization called NERV to prevent Third Impact by creating an army of
nam
rabid PS3 fanboys. Very zombie-like in appearance, they continuously moaned "bluuuuuuu-RAAAAYYYY" until they devoured their targets from the inside-out with their annoying stares. Then
ACD
the Third Impact did occur. Every PS3 and 360 imploded, leaving gamers the world over with only the Wii to play games on. Fillion, the Power Rangers, and the Mounties (now reformed as Mal and the Power Mounties) attacked the Nintendo base after the successor to Wii Sports, Wii Play, Wii Fit, and Wii Music,
nam
left the company to pursue his modeling career as a drag queen. Three years later in 1989, he died of arm cancer, and created what we now know as Wheat Thins. When he died, he left his entire fortune to his grandmother, Josephine Bonaparte, who told him on his deathbed that his real brother is actually Mr. Bonaparte, and not Sylvester Stallone, as he previously thought. After he died, she
ACD
burned all of his Garbage albums to keep warm, as the "fortune" was actually only one cent. The Killers' albums were next, but the Fourth Impact occured when peanut butter was removed from chocolate. The Fourth Impact looked a lot like this [ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HlJWgBjd1g&feature=related ]but with more
nam
explosions and peanut butterless chocolate. This caused everyone with peanut allergies to kill Steve Ballmer, the man in charge of SEELE. In the dying breath, Steve requested that he be buried at sea like his Norse ancestors. When the time came for him to be buried, he
ACD
was destroyed by Mello, the real leader of SEELE. Mello tossed Ballmer's body into the sky and instituted a new world order where everyone had to have hair like his. [ http://www.freewebs.com/deathnote121/Mello.gif ] Of course, people rebelled against this, and launched a full-scale invasion of NERV, causing the deaths of
nam
nearly everyone in England. The remaining few, after they finished eating their fish 'n' chips, and stopped playing football (really soccer), said to the Queen, "Cheerio, old chaps, would you like a spot of tea?" and then Freddie Mercury replied "No thanks" and then they retrieved the real Queen's body from the freezer where they kept her after she died. Right before she left, she said to Walt Disney, who was also in there,
ACD
"King, whose dreams are buried in your mind, cornfields of popcorn are yet to spring open. The truth is," but Queenie's dialogue was muted. Disney gasped before confidently responding, "Liar." The queen shot Disney and was promptly eaten by the Stay-Puf Marshmallow Man, who then proceeded to
nam
rummage through the Queen's junk drawer in her royal kitchen. "Dangit, there's nothing in here except scissors and plastic jewelry. Where does she keep the
ACD
peanut butter?!" But the Stay-Puf Marshmallow Man was not long for this world. He died suddenly of a heart attack. Mello had written his name in his Death Note, and was therefore pleased with the results. He assumed the position of Big Honkin' King of the World by promising to end world hunger with the Marshmallow Man's remains. Fortunately, his nemesis Near learned of this plan and
nam
set up barriers around Tokyo, where the battle would finally take place for the Fifth Impact pre-game show. The one with the stupid hair finally got a haircut, and then got another Death Note from Calradia, where he met up with Lord Gearth and Lady Brina. After he left the castle, he went to Riverside and said
ACD
"Man, Neo-Riverside 3's a bust. Let's just get to the river." Mello, Gearth, Brina, Mal, and the Power Mounties set off towards the river, but discovered, to their horror, that it was now a river of Tang made from people's brains. They eventually worked out a plan, and that plan was
nam
to gather every astronaut ever (even the Russian ones) to drink up all the Tang. After Lance Armstrong was full, he said "That's how I roll, son." and then ran over people with his moon car. "At least I still have one more!" he said as he left. Then Tanya Harding showed up to the after-party drunk as heck, saying
ACD
"Lol cosmonauts." Then, it was decided that everyone should fly to the moon. In an attempt to do this, everyone yelled the lyrics to "Fly Me to the Moon," causing Frank Sinatra to turn in his grave. He rose from his coffin and prepared a super
nam
laser-powered rifle-powered laser, but before he could even shoot them out of the sky, they fell to the earth. After five years of investigating the mysterious crash, it was discovered that the all died of dehydration, due to there being no more Tang. News reporter Nancy Hicks-Gribble fixed her hair, then proceeded to get ready to inform all of the world of the cause of the accident. She started out fine, until
ACD
the cue cards messed up and she wished Hank good luck with his constipation again. This level of repetition is usually seen on Family Guy instead of King of the Hill, so the entire population of Neo-Arlen 3 gasped when they realized that it was actually Neo-Quahog 3. So, in an attempt to commit suicide, the population of Neo-Quahog 3 launched an all-out assault on Fox's headquarters by
nam
continuing to make new episodes. Then, out of nowhere, Bobby Flay appeared, holding a frying pan. He saw Peter Griffin, and got enraged for some reason, and then he put on a chicken suit and fought Peter for like 5 minutes (which is about 4 and a half minutes too long), then that old guy Conway Twitty started singing, and everyone groaned, because that's an old joke that was never funny in the first place. Seth Green then took a knife to
ACD
everyone except Peter and Christian Bale. Then there was a fight, but Peter and Christian made up and ended up acting as the new Adam and Adam. They adopted children from Mars who repopulated the earth with three-eyed monsters who could also
nam
fight crime and do gymnastics. Then Burt Reynolds messages Dee Reynolds on Facebook saying that he is her paternal uncle, and then they went to his charity event and hit him with a bat and took pictures of him and Danny DeVito standing together. Then it turns out that DeVito was actually
ACD
Burt Reynolds all along. He and Sarah Michelle Gellar entered into a song-and-dance routine, which closed the Berkeley Repertory Theater's production of American Idiot: The Musical. It turns out that replacing Green Day with various pop culture references that make no sense whatsoever actually improved the quality of the production. It sold three tickets to Green Day fans who, to this day, complain about the play on Amazon.com's message boards.
Good night, travel well.
------------
written by (in order of appearance) POLKA_DUCK - ACDUDE800 - NAMANERT - SKIPPY_ROCK
Polka_Duck (Polka)
April 1st is the very last day of March this year,
ACDude800 (ACD)
declared President Obama today, during a live conference from the Vatican, during which Pope Joe Biden also said,
namanert (nam)
"It's okay, we're amongst friends!", and then proceeded to break the world record for the most points in a single life on Galaga, while Mr. Sean Connery
ACD
announced that from this point on, every other day is Scottish Day, and that the other days will be dedicated to the respect of Pee-Wee Herman. Herman responded by
nam
showing his rare Silver Charizard to everyone in the audience. "So, Mr. Connery, how about a duel?" he asked. Connery said
ACD
that he couldn't, because his Level 99 Luvdisc had just learned Ultra Surf from watching episodes of Hawaii Five-O, and that it wouldn't be a fair fight. Herman challenged this, and the two eventually engaged in a real fight, which was broken up by Will Wright, who
nam
said "Look who I brought!" and then William Shatner beamed down. Unfortunately, he materialized in the middle of Connery, combining them into every one of the Power Rangers. Then
ACD
the combo was broken. Then the Beetleborgs appeared from a nearby crater, and the Power Rangers were too busy filing a plagiarism lawsuit to defend the planet against the onslaught of giant Japanese robots being piloted by Tim Allen, and
nam
then Richard Karn jumped out of a Bush and went "BOOGABOOGABOOGA" and scared Tim and the Power Rangers. Unfortunately, it was Geroge W. Bush who he jumped out of, so
ACD
Dick Cheney chased after him with a shotgun, vowing revenge. Cheney fired the shotgun, but missed. The bullet ricocheted into a microwave and became radioactive. It entered the body of Napoleon Bonaparte, who developed the power to
nam
see lightning from anywhere in the world. 20 years later, with his superpower, he became the CEO of one of the largest banking companies in the world. The next day, he turned 16, and got stuck by lightning. If only he had seen it coming. At his funeral, his mother, Anne Frank,
ACD
who actually had escaped from the Nazis and published an elaborate cover-up book to prevent that knowledge from falling into the wrong feet, used the power of the Power Rangers and their Zords to revive Napoleon, who, as a side effect of the resurrection, was now joined at the hip to his wife, Josephine. Josephine expressed her dismay at this by
Skippy_Rock (Skippy)
committing suicide. Unwilling to allow the violence to poison the minds of children, Jack Thompson arrived in a taxi and declared that
nam
the letter "e" be banned from every book in Jamaica. In the year 2178, two years after Napoleon's revival, he met Tom Arnold, who did nothing but complain about his fat ex-husband, Rosie O'Donnell. He actually kinda liked her (he still wrote her name all over his binders), he just didn't like having to shave her back every other day. This caused an uproar in the nearby Wal-Mart, because
ACD
Jack Thompson had declared it illegal to purchase new copies of Neverwinter Nights Diamond. BioWare, enraged at this, summoned their Canadian friend Nathan Fillion to throw copies of Mass Effect at Thompson. The Mass Effect boxes
nam
were actually filled with knives, due to a mix-up with Customer Support. Nathan Fillion then called the captain of the Royal Canadian Mounties (all Canadians know each other, so it's okay) to come and arrest Bonaparte, but they accidentally arrested his brother-in-law (by marriage), Napoleon Dynamite. Then, when they got to the police station,
ACD
Doc and Marty broke through the wall of the station in their DeLorean time machine. Doc yelled "Great Scot!" and Sean Connery bowed appreciatively. Then the time machine disappeared, causing the Mounties to reform with the help of Nathan Fillion. They proceeded to the Great Cave of Napoleon, where they discovered Mr. T, currently wanted for the shooting death of J.R. Ewing, and attacked him with
nam
a huge gun that shoots alligators strapped to chainsaws. Mr. T jumped out of the way and did a really cool flip in the air and hid behind a rock, then popped his head out to say "AND DON'T FORGET KIDS, DRINK YO MILK!" A stray chaingator bounced off the wall opposite T, then hit him in the throat as he yelled
ACD
"I PITY THE FOOL" at the top of his lungs. The chaingator was killed instantly by the vibrations of Mr. T's Adam's apple. Having accomplished their mission, Nathan Fillion and the Mounties returned to the local bar to drink beer and watch hockey. Then the real Fillion and the Mounties burst into the pub and yelled, "These stereotypes are imposters!" Then there was a huge
nam
hot-air balloon that carried the entire population of New Mexico across state lines to Alaska. Then, Joss Whedon popped out from the real New Mexico, and said "Fo pos! I wrote that!" and
ACD
the world imploded because that never happened on Buffy, Angel, Firefly, or Dollhouse. This event was dubbed the Second Impact. Six years later, in 2015, a secret organization called SEELE was utilizing another secret organization called NERV to prevent Third Impact by creating an army of
nam
rabid PS3 fanboys. Very zombie-like in appearance, they continuously moaned "bluuuuuuu-RAAAAYYYY" until they devoured their targets from the inside-out with their annoying stares. Then
ACD
the Third Impact did occur. Every PS3 and 360 imploded, leaving gamers the world over with only the Wii to play games on. Fillion, the Power Rangers, and the Mounties (now reformed as Mal and the Power Mounties) attacked the Nintendo base after the successor to Wii Sports, Wii Play, Wii Fit, and Wii Music,
nam
left the company to pursue his modeling career as a drag queen. Three years later in 1989, he died of arm cancer, and created what we now know as Wheat Thins. When he died, he left his entire fortune to his grandmother, Josephine Bonaparte, who told him on his deathbed that his real brother is actually Mr. Bonaparte, and not Sylvester Stallone, as he previously thought. After he died, she
ACD
burned all of his Garbage albums to keep warm, as the "fortune" was actually only one cent. The Killers' albums were next, but the Fourth Impact occured when peanut butter was removed from chocolate. The Fourth Impact looked a lot like this [ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HlJWgBjd1g&feature=related ]but with more
nam
explosions and peanut butterless chocolate. This caused everyone with peanut allergies to kill Steve Ballmer, the man in charge of SEELE. In the dying breath, Steve requested that he be buried at sea like his Norse ancestors. When the time came for him to be buried, he
ACD
was destroyed by Mello, the real leader of SEELE. Mello tossed Ballmer's body into the sky and instituted a new world order where everyone had to have hair like his. [ http://www.freewebs.com/deathnote121/Mello.gif ] Of course, people rebelled against this, and launched a full-scale invasion of NERV, causing the deaths of
nam
nearly everyone in England. The remaining few, after they finished eating their fish 'n' chips, and stopped playing football (really soccer), said to the Queen, "Cheerio, old chaps, would you like a spot of tea?" and then Freddie Mercury replied "No thanks" and then they retrieved the real Queen's body from the freezer where they kept her after she died. Right before she left, she said to Walt Disney, who was also in there,
ACD
"King, whose dreams are buried in your mind, cornfields of popcorn are yet to spring open. The truth is," but Queenie's dialogue was muted. Disney gasped before confidently responding, "Liar." The queen shot Disney and was promptly eaten by the Stay-Puf Marshmallow Man, who then proceeded to
nam
rummage through the Queen's junk drawer in her royal kitchen. "Dangit, there's nothing in here except scissors and plastic jewelry. Where does she keep the
ACD
peanut butter?!" But the Stay-Puf Marshmallow Man was not long for this world. He died suddenly of a heart attack. Mello had written his name in his Death Note, and was therefore pleased with the results. He assumed the position of Big Honkin' King of the World by promising to end world hunger with the Marshmallow Man's remains. Fortunately, his nemesis Near learned of this plan and
nam
set up barriers around Tokyo, where the battle would finally take place for the Fifth Impact pre-game show. The one with the stupid hair finally got a haircut, and then got another Death Note from Calradia, where he met up with Lord Gearth and Lady Brina. After he left the castle, he went to Riverside and said
ACD
"Man, Neo-Riverside 3's a bust. Let's just get to the river." Mello, Gearth, Brina, Mal, and the Power Mounties set off towards the river, but discovered, to their horror, that it was now a river of Tang made from people's brains. They eventually worked out a plan, and that plan was
nam
to gather every astronaut ever (even the Russian ones) to drink up all the Tang. After Lance Armstrong was full, he said "That's how I roll, son." and then ran over people with his moon car. "At least I still have one more!" he said as he left. Then Tanya Harding showed up to the after-party drunk as heck, saying
ACD
"Lol cosmonauts." Then, it was decided that everyone should fly to the moon. In an attempt to do this, everyone yelled the lyrics to "Fly Me to the Moon," causing Frank Sinatra to turn in his grave. He rose from his coffin and prepared a super
nam
laser-powered rifle-powered laser, but before he could even shoot them out of the sky, they fell to the earth. After five years of investigating the mysterious crash, it was discovered that the all died of dehydration, due to there being no more Tang. News reporter Nancy Hicks-Gribble fixed her hair, then proceeded to get ready to inform all of the world of the cause of the accident. She started out fine, until
ACD
the cue cards messed up and she wished Hank good luck with his constipation again. This level of repetition is usually seen on Family Guy instead of King of the Hill, so the entire population of Neo-Arlen 3 gasped when they realized that it was actually Neo-Quahog 3. So, in an attempt to commit suicide, the population of Neo-Quahog 3 launched an all-out assault on Fox's headquarters by
nam
continuing to make new episodes. Then, out of nowhere, Bobby Flay appeared, holding a frying pan. He saw Peter Griffin, and got enraged for some reason, and then he put on a chicken suit and fought Peter for like 5 minutes (which is about 4 and a half minutes too long), then that old guy Conway Twitty started singing, and everyone groaned, because that's an old joke that was never funny in the first place. Seth Green then took a knife to
ACD
everyone except Peter and Christian Bale. Then there was a fight, but Peter and Christian made up and ended up acting as the new Adam and Adam. They adopted children from Mars who repopulated the earth with three-eyed monsters who could also
nam
fight crime and do gymnastics. Then Burt Reynolds messages Dee Reynolds on Facebook saying that he is her paternal uncle, and then they went to his charity event and hit him with a bat and took pictures of him and Danny DeVito standing together. Then it turns out that DeVito was actually
ACD
Burt Reynolds all along. He and Sarah Michelle Gellar entered into a song-and-dance routine, which closed the Berkeley Repertory Theater's production of American Idiot: The Musical. It turns out that replacing Green Day with various pop culture references that make no sense whatsoever actually improved the quality of the production. It sold three tickets to Green Day fans who, to this day, complain about the play on Amazon.com's message boards.
Good night, travel well.
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